I have been struggling with what to say that will capture this moment. We have made it through the dreaded year of 'firsts'.
Thanksgiving. Mom's birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day. I even turned 50.
But I think the hardest moments of the last year, you know apart from all of them, were the quiet ones.
In September, when the kids got their new class and teacher assignments, I would always call Mom and give her the rundown. But she wasn't here to call.
At Thanksgiving, I could not find my recipe for Nutty Yams and I called my Dad who valiantly flipped through cookbook after cookbook looking for it. Mom would have known what book and what page.
My Mom was an affirmer. She used to tell us in person, that she appreciated us. But I would brush it off, a little embarrassed, because she does so much more than I do. So she became an affirmer by email. Luckily I am one of those people that rarely cleans out her in box and from time to time I come across an email from Mom, thanking me for hosting a dinner or for flowers or for remembering something.
And my heart smiles.
Miss you Mom.