It has been three months since I lost my Mom. Life is okay.
I even felt brave enough to look at pictures of my Mom again. I wanted to get some prints or photobook made. Some for my kids. Some for my Dad and some for me. I had looked at the pictures extensively those first few days to make a slide show for the memorial service. It was hard at first, but I did find it therapeutic reliving all the special moments. But I have not felt much up to looking at pictures since.
So recently I started looking at pictures again. It was okay, I was doing fine. Then I came across a picture of Sydney and my parents. It was at a party I held for Sydney's preschool graduation. By "party" I mean inviting the grandparents over and make a fuss over Sydney since she went to a very lame preschool that did not have a full on graduation ceremony as Jackson's had - rented hall, walk across the stage - and my mother guilt meant we could not do NOTHING for such an important milestone when Jackson had it all, including a graduation photo in cap and gown. Anyway in this picture Sydney was thanking my parents for a little gift. I cropped out my Dad (sorry Dad) as I thought it might make a good one in a collage.
And once I did I was stunned by the picture that remained. It is hardly a Pulitzer prize-winning photo. It is grainy. There is light coming in from behind which gives it an ethereal quality and makes it even more breathtaking. The look on my Mom's face shows the kind of Oma she was and how much she enjoyed her grandchildren. And part of the reason that I miss her so much: