Friday, January 7, 2011

Travel Advisory

URGENT URGENT

Husband:

I do not advise that you travel. Home.

Jackson "had the worst day ever" at school. Just exactly why is a closely guarded secret but would explain his hostile demeanor.  We played 20 questions as I tried to divine the reason. I secured an admission that it had something to do with "school". I know, I really earned my detective badge.

The reason I got no further was we got side tracked mid way through 20 question as Sydney either felt the need to empathize or the need for some attention and she recounted a story of when her music teacher told the girls they were being poor sports when they complained that the boys were getting all the turns.

This reminded Jackson of the numerous times in his 5 years of public education that any teacher has ever admonished him or anyone else about being a poor sport. He recounted each one and with a heavy sigh he summed it up with "teachers don't understand what it is like to be a kid"

Thinking I may have stumbled onto something that would explain uncivil tone, I pursued this line of questioning by sympathizing with them but this only led to a conversation that included the following statements "teachers had pea brains" " teachers have TINY pea brains" "no, teachers don't have any brains".

When I got home I checked Jackson's planner and realized he has math and language arts and socials homework. When I mentioned it to him his only remark was that "we had 2 hours in class to do the work and I got 2 of 20 questions done so I have 18 hours of homework this weekend. And that is just the math!!"
I think that mystery is solved.

Sydney for her part has been in a good mood, pausing only to commiserate over the size of teacher brains. But when we got home she asked if she could have some "healthy chips". I said there was no such thing. She asked if she could have "some of those chips that are not as bad as other chips". I said not for an after school snack since she just had a donut ( from one of her classmates, as a birthday treat) .

So I suggested that she eat something that is not in the "crap" portion of the food pyramid. She stormed off. Astonishingly she was back 10 minutes later to ask the same question. I thought she knew me better. When have I EVER changed my mind on pesterment??

She stormed off and started slamming the door. I gave her my signature "one more time .... just ...  one... more... time ... and you're going to your room!!!!!"

She brought me a note that read "to mommy I want to have chips now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There were 26 exclamation points. I counted. Who knew she has my genetic propensity to excessive punctuation ????????????????????????

This is all to say, you are coming home to a minefield and I cannot recommend travel here. I recommend travel to place where you might have a hope of watching the hockey game in the absence of hostility, hysteria, incivility or tantrums.

On the other hand the longer you wait to come home the further my mental status will have deteriorated. If you believe at all in the maxim "happy wife happy life" I would suggest you hurry.

1 comment:

Eschelle said...

I love how you counted the "!" points!!!


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