I know that it is a week past your birthday and I no longer feel a phone call to express wishes is sufficient. While you might be glad to hear that I have thought of you often this past week (and of my not calling), I offer you the following excuses for my sisterly neglect and you are free to select any that might offer any comfort:
- I wanted to extend the birthday season: Too many congratulations on one day can be overwhelming. By withholding mine, I’m extending this joyful time for you. Only 51 weeks until your next birthday!
- I thought you wanted to stop counting: Fifty is kind of a cool age to be. I thought that 51 is not a nice round number and by withholding my congratulations, I thought I was allowing you to remain 50 those few extra days.
- I had my own selfish reasons for keeping you at 50: If you stay at 50, then as your younger sister I will never get there. Because we can’t be the same age. I think we can perhaps have a conspiracy that will suit us both.
- I had amnesia: I met some men dressed in black and they flashed something in my face and I cannot remember anything that happened in the last week.
- Our phone was out of order: And my cell phone. And Husband’s cell phone. Of course you can’t find a pay phone to save your life these days. And I couldn’t send an email because our computer, Husband's laptop and my iPod had simultaneous glitches. My network computer at work suffered the same fate. And I couldn’t find an internet café anywhere. Hmmm. Technology is making these excuses harder and harder to believe. Plus you may have noticed I was on Facebook last week.
- I was trying to think of something that rhymed with fifty one: I was trying to write you a birthday limerick and couldn’t find anything that rhymed with fifty-one. So it was not any kind of emotional neglect. Really more of a creative block. You’ll be happy to hear that I have spend the week in seclusion and have this to offer (must be read with Jamaican accent):
There once was a man of fifty one;
He was a handsome nifty son;
Husband and Dad;
Not really half bad;
He was also very thrifty, man!
(I know you will agree it was worth the extra week for this kind of poetic magic.)
I hope your celebrations were happy, and to make up for my neglect on your 51st birthday, let me be the first to wish you a very, very happy 52nd birthday!
Your neglectful sister.