Monday, August 10, 2009

Birthing Babies

The kids waited in the van while I ran into the house to make a quick bathroom trip and procure some jackets.

I returned and the J Boy reported, "We've been having a nice conversation about family"

"Really, what about family?" I ventured.

"Well, like when we grow up" he said.

Sydney added, "like when we grow up and have kids."

My curiosity is piqued. "So what did you talk about?"

"Like how many kids we're going to have" Jackson said.

"I'm going to have two" Sydney reported.

"I decided I'm going to have two too" Jackson agreed.

"Do you know what you're going to name them?" I asked.

"No" Jackson said.

"Yes" Sydney said.

"What are your kids going to be named Sydney?"

"I forget."

"So Sydney will have two babies and my wife will have two babies" Jackson summarized. "We were talking about how our whole family will change because you and Daddy will be the grandparents and Sydney and I will be the parents. And the babies will be the kids. And Oma and Opa and Granny and Grampa won't be in our family anymore."

"Well, they will be the great grandparents" I clarified.

"Oh I just remembered the names" Sydney said "Coco and Abby. That's if they're girls. I don't know if I'm going to have boys or girls but those will be the girls' names.

"How do they get the babies out Mommy?" Jackson took this conversation in an alarming direction. "Do they give you medicine to make you fall asleep and then take the baby out and then give you medicine to wake you up?"

"Well, when I had you, actually that was what happened. It was an emergency and they had to get you out really really fast so they gave me medicine to make me sleep and then when I woke up you had been born. By an operation." We have touched on some of this ground before.

"Why was it an emergency?"

"Well your heart rate went down and they were worried about you so they wanted to get you out fast.

He wore it like a badge of honour, "Sydney, when I was born it was an emergency, they had to get me out really fast."

"With you Sydney, I had a different kind of medicine and the medicine made it so I couldn't feel my tummy or my legs and they took you out of my tummy with an operation."

"I don't want to have that operation." she declared.

"Well, not everyone has the operation, some people just squeeze the baby out." (I think I may need some back up on this.)

"I don't want to have the babies out. It doesn't sound fun", Wise-before-her-years Girlie Goo said.

"Well, I won't lie to you Sydney, that part isn't always fun, but the good part is you get a baby. Plus when the baby is in your tummy you get to feel them swimming around and kicking and you can even feel when they have the hiccups!"

"The babies swim in water in your tummy?" Sydney asked.

"Well, amniotic fluid. It's liquid that is made especially for the babies."

"There's also stomach acid that the babies swim in because that is in your stomach too." Jackson interjected.

"Well the babies don't grow in the stomach, they grow in another place. The stomach is for digesting your food and that is what stomach acid is for"

"But the stomach is that whole tummy part of your body" Jackson pointed out.

"There's actually a special part for growing babies." (I need to phone a friend.)

"What's it called?" Jackson persisted.

"The uterus."

"The uter-what?"

"The uterus. It's near the belly button."

"Right here?" Jackson pointed near his belly button.

"Well, yes but only girls have uteruses, not boys."

"Oooooooh." A light bulb went on for Jackson. "THAT is why men don't have babies".

"Right." (Can we end this right here?)

"So do they squeeze the babies out the belly button?"


"Then where?" He just can't let it go.

"The girl privates." I cringe.

"They fart the babies out!?" Only 7 year old boys can make childbirth sound cool.

"Gross", Sydney said, "I don't want my baby to stink."


Momof5 said...

OMgsh! I love this! You will have to save this for when they are having babies and just remind them. This was hysterical! God Bless!

Anonymous said...

They have one thing right, by the time they have babies we won't be around. You now have half of the "birds and bees" thing behind you. You can now wait the other shoe to fall - how does it start? We hope you record that bit too for posterity.


Heather L. said...

Love the conversation, Heather-Small. And honestly (since I did squeeze my baby out) it's not dissimilar to farting (or other bathroom-type activities). And it's certainly at least as undignified--but totally awesome!


Anonymous said...

Cute, Heather. Looks like you are still your wise, smart, quick witted self! Looks like your kids are too! Blessings, Aunt Esther